Why The Outsider Within Exists
Music and Neurodivergent Identity
The Outsider Within is something I’ve been circling for a long time.
It wasn’t a sudden idea. It was more like a quiet thread running through my life, becoming clearer as I began to understand myself more fully.
Receiving my AuDHD diagnosis just under a year ago didn’t change who I am — but it did bring clarity. It gave language to patterns I had always felt but couldn’t quite name.
And one of the clearest patterns was this:
Music has always been regulation
For me, music has never been background noise.
It has been something I reach for instinctively — not just to enjoy, but to regulate.
- Some songs help me settle when my system is overwhelmed
- At other times, music helps me focus when my thoughts scatter
- There are tracks that hold me when things feel too much
- Others bring me back when I feel flat or disconnected
- And some restore energy in a way nothing else can
Music meets me where I am.
Not all regulation is calm
There’s a common assumption that regulation always looks like slowing down.
But that’s only part of the picture.
Sometimes, regulation comes through activation.
- Fast rhythms
- Strong bass
- Emotional intensity
- Movement and momentum
For many neurodivergent people, high-energy music can bring the nervous system back online.
It doesn’t soothe.
It ignites.
One of the clearest examples of this for me is She’s Kerosene by The Interrupters — a song that restores energy, focus, and a sense of aliveness when I need it most.
The quiet layer of shame
The music that supported me the most wasn’t always understood.
It didn’t always fit what was considered “appropriate” or “normal”.
And over time, I noticed something sitting quietly underneath that.
- A hesitation to share
- The tendency to filter
- A sense of needing to keep parts of myself hidden
A subtle layer of shame.
Letting that go
The Outsider Within exists because I’m no longer willing to carry that.
It’s a space where I can share openly:
- The music that supports me
- How it impacts my nervous system
- What it feels like from the inside
- The lived experience of being neurodivergent
And it’s a space where others can do the same.
What The Outsider Within is
The Outsider Within is a YouTube playlist and ongoing series exploring music, regulation, and neurodivergent identity.
Within this space, I share:
- Song-based reflections grounded in lived experience
- The connection between music and nervous system states
- The role of sound in regulation, energy, and focus
- Conversations with guests about the music that supports them
It’s not about analysing music from the outside.
It’s about experiencing it from within.
You’re not the only one
If you’ve ever felt like your inner world doesn’t match what’s expected…
If music has been something you rely on, not just something you enjoy…
Perhaps you’ve quietly loved something you didn’t feel you could share…
You’re not alone.
And you’re not “too much” or “too different”.
You may simply be wired in a way that responds deeply to sound.
Start here
Start with the first video in The Outsider Within series:
This Song Regulates My AuDHD Brain | She’s Kerosene – The Interrupters
Or explore the full playlist (new content released on alternate weeks).
Continue exploring
If you’re interested in how regulation can look different across states, you may also find this helpful:
- Soothing Sounds playlist (for calming and down-regulation)
- Radiance Reset (for deeper nervous system support through sound)