logo 2025 white clear bk@lucindacurran.com
Deficit-Based Language in the DSM

Deficit-Based Language in the DSM

by | 15, Oct 2025 | ADHD, Autism, ND Traits, Neurodivergent

Deficit-Based Language in the DSM: A Neurodivergent Perspective

Have you ever read your own diagnostic report and felt it was more of a critique than a reflection of who you are?

Many adults describe the experience as confronting — even painful.

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) is considered the “gold standard” in diagnosis for autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergences.

Yet the way it describes us is overwhelmingly deficit-based.

What the DSM Gets Wrong

Phrases like:

  • Deficits in executive functioning.
  • Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.
  • Persistent deficits in social communication.

Each one suggests a shortcoming, a failure, a lack. But this is not how neurodivergent people actually live and experience life.

When Diagnosis Hurts

For many of us, diagnosis comes with mixed emotions.

There’s relief in understanding why we feel different.

But alongside it comes the heavy message: “Here’s everything you’re not good at.”

It shapes how others see us.

And, more dangerously, it can start to shape how we see ourselves.

Why Understanding Matters

Misreading shutdown as daydreaming (or vice versa) can lead to frustration, shame, or unnecessary pressure. Many neurodivergent adults grew up hearing:

  • Stop being lazy.
  • Pay attention.
  • You’re off in your own world again.

This creates a cycle of self-doubt and hypervigilance. 

By learning to recognise and respond with empathy, we offer something better — validation and safety, which fosters recovery and re-engagement.

What the DSM Misses Entirely

No diagnostic manual captures the full reality of neurodivergence, the –

  • Flow state of immersing in a deep interest

  • Clarity and honesty that bypasses superficial small talk

  • Empathy, loyalty, and creativity that enrich relationships and work

  • Sensory joy of noticing subtle patterns others overlook

None of this is a deficit. This is humanity.

Why Reframing Matters

The harm of deficit-based language is that it boxes us into limitation.

Reframing allows us to see the truth: we are not broken.

Yes, challenges are real.

But alongside them exist strengths, gifts, and perspectives that the DSM was never designed to capture.

Watch the Video

Watch this for more information and inspiration.

Final Thoughts

Recognising whether it’s daydreaming or shutdown isn’t just about managing behaviour. 

It’s about honouring experience — your child’s and your own. 

When we meet these moments with empathy, we shift from frustration to understanding, from correction to connection.

Every time we pause and see what’s really happening beneath the surface, we’re breaking old patterns and building safer spaces for neurodivergent minds to thrive.

Closing Reflection

A diagnosis can provide clarity and community — but it should never be the whole story.

As neurodivergent adults, part of our healing is learning to reclaim the narrative. To see ourselves not through the lens of deficits, but through the richness of lived experience.

🌿 If you’re ready to explore ways of reconnecting with your inner self — through coaching, sound healing, or simply conversation — I’d love to walk alongside you.

Read more about my services here or book a (free) chat here.

    Daydreaming or in Shutdown? How to Support Neurodivergent Kids (and Yourself)

    Daydreaming or in Shutdown? How to Support Neurodivergent Kids (and Yourself)

    by | 1, Oct 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Empowerment, ND Traits, Neurodivergent, Shutdowns

    The Overlooked Experience: Daydreaming or in Shutdown

    Have you ever caught yourself staring into space — not sure if you’re simply lost in thought or if something inside you has switched off? 

    Many neurodivergent adults recognise this sensation from childhood, when it was often misread as laziness, inattention, or being ‘away with the fairies’.

    For neurodivergent children (and adults), daydreaming and in shutdown look similar on the outside but feel very different on the inside. 

    Understanding this difference is more than supportive parenting — it’s a step towards advocacy, self-compassion, and breaking old patterns of misinterpretation.

    What Daydreaming Feels Like

    Daydreaming is light, fluid, and imaginative. 

    Thoughts drift like clouds — soft, changeable, weaving colours and stories. A child might be replaying a favourite scene from a book, inventing an elaborate world, or working through a puzzle in their mind.

    The key markers:

    • Voluntary and often creative

    • Relaxed body posture

    • Ability to re-engage with a gentle prompt

    For adults, this might feel like a mental ‘wander’ where ideas connect in surprising ways. 

    💡 It’s restorative rather than draining.

    What Shutdown Feels Like

    Shutdown, by contrast, is a nervous system response to overwhelm. 

    The outside world may see stillness, silence, and disengagement. 

    Inside, it can feel like moving through thick molasses, like thoughts are there but unreachable.

    Shutdown is often triggered by:

    • Sensory overload (noise, light, texture)

    • Emotional overwhelm or social pressure

    • Chronic masking and exhaustion

    In children and adults, it can bring anxiety, heaviness, or even numbness.

    💡 It’s a protective mechanism, not a choice.

    Why Understanding Matters

    Misreading shutdown as daydreaming (or vice versa) can lead to frustration, shame, or unnecessary pressure. Many neurodivergent adults grew up hearing:

    • Stop being lazy.
    • Pay attention.
    • You’re off in your own world again.

    This creates a cycle of self-doubt and hypervigilance. 

    By learning to recognise and respond with empathy, we offer something better — validation and safety, which fosters recovery and re-engagement.

    Supporting Daydreaming and Shutdown

    • Daydreaming: Allow space for creativity and curiosity. A soft prompt — “What are you imagining?” — can invite gentle connection without pulling someone out too quickly.
    • Shutdown: Reduce sensory input, offer calming presence, and avoid pressure. Co-regulation (soft voice, slow breathing) helps restore nervous system balance.

    Reclaiming Connection

    For adults, recognising these states in themselves can be deeply liberating. It’s not inattention or a weakness. It’s a part of how your brain and body work to cope, recover, or create.

    For children, your understanding can be life-changing. They learn self-trust, rather than internalising shame. 

    And for families, it builds deeper connections — rooted in seeing, truly seeing, each other.

    Watch the Video

    For more insights, watch the full discussion here:

    Final Thoughts

    Recognising whether it’s daydreaming or shutdown isn’t just about managing behaviour. 

    It’s about honouring experience — your child’s and your own. 

    When we meet these moments with empathy, we shift from frustration to understanding, from correction to connection.

    Every time we pause and see what’s really happening beneath the surface, we’re breaking old patterns and building safer spaces for neurodivergent minds to thrive.

    Ready to Go Deeper?

    If this resonates, I’d love to support you further.

    Neurokin: Finding People Who Truly Understand You

    Neurokin: Finding People Who Truly Understand You

    by | 17, Sep 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Communication, Empowerment, Inspiration, Neurodivergent, Uniqueness

    Neurokin: Finding People Who Truly Understand You

    The Search for Belonging

    Have you ever been surrounded by people yet felt completely unseen? The room hums with chatter, glasses clink, and laughter ripples through the air — yet you feel like a ghost, watching life happen around you but not quite part of it.

    Loneliness isn’t always about being alone; sometimes, it’s about being misunderstood.

    For many neurodivergent people, this is an everyday experience. We mask who we are, replay conversations in our heads, and wonder if we’ve said too much, too little, or something strange. We ache for connection yet feel exhausted by the effort it takes to fit in.

    But then — you meet someone who does get you.

    Someone who senses the world in a way that feels familiar. Someone who doesn’t need an explanation for your quirks, sensitivities, or deep passions. With them, your nervous system exhales.

    That person is part of your neurokin.

    What Is Neurokin?

    Neurokin are people who resonate with the way your neurodivergent brain works.

    They don’t just tolerate your differences — they recognise, appreciate and value them.

    Conversations feel natural, silences feel safe, and even your nervous system relaxes because you’re not on high alert, trying to fit in.

    When you find neurokin, there’s a shift. The weight of “otherness” starts to lift, replaced by a quiet sense of belonging.

    Why Finding Neurokin Matters

    Living without neurokin can feel like being permanently on the outside looking in. You might question your worth, wonder if you’re “too much,” or retreat into isolation to avoid judgment.

    But connecting with neurokin changes everything.

    • Psychologically, it validates your experience and helps you feel seen.

    • Emotionally, it nourishes you, creating a sense of ease and safety.

    • Socially, it allows you to drop the mask and simply be yourself.

    Even one connection with a neurokin can transform how you move through the world — making life feel lighter, less lonely, and far more authentic.

    How to Find Your Neurokin

    Finding neurokin isn’t about meeting lots of people — it’s about finding the right ones. Look for communities where you feel accepted and understood, such as:

    • Groups built around neurodivergence. (Like my free group – Different… and Loving It!)
    • Spaces centred on shared interests and passions.
    • Workshops, events, or online forums that encourage open, respectful conversation.

    Notice who makes you feel safe, seen, and comfortable in your own skin — those are the connections worth nurturing.

    Nurturing Neurokin Connections

    Shared understanding is powerful, but every relationship still needs boundaries, empathy, and care.

    Nurture your neurokin connections with kindness and honesty.

    When you do, you create a small but meaningful sanctuary where belonging comes naturally. 

    Watch the Video: What Is Neurokin?

    For more on the concept of neurokin and why it matters so deeply for neurodivergent people, watch my video:

    Final Thoughts

    Finding your neurokin is not just about connection — it’s about thriving. It’s about finally feeling understood, valued, and at home in your own skin. You don’t have to navigate life alone.

    Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing

    Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing

    by | 3, Sep 2025 | ADHD, Anxiety, Autism, Neurodivergent

    Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing

    Have you ever walked into a room and felt every light flicker, every chair squeak, and every smell amplified?

    For many of us who are neurodivergent, the environment can overwhelm before we even start. 

    Sensory-friendly spaces make all the difference for neurodivergent wellbeing — and here’s why.

    What a Sensory-Friendly Space Feels Like

    A sensory-friendly space feels calm, predictable, and safe. Lighting is soft and adjustable, sounds are filtered or dampened, and the layout allows freedom to move without chaos.

    Inside your neurodivergent brain, this feels like breathing after holding your breath for far too long. Your muscles relax, your heart rate slows, and your mind has space to focus.

    Why “Sensory-Friendly” Matters

    Everyday environments can be overwhelming — from noisy cafeterias to busy streets and crowded classrooms. Repeated sensory overload can lead to exhaustion, shutdown, or meltdown.

    By contrast, sensory-friendly spaces support emotional regulation, reduce stress, and allow neurodivergent people to feel safe and grounded.

    Creating and Identifying These Special Spaces

    You don’t need a full room renovation to create a space that works for you. Small changes go a long way:

    • At home: Quiet corners, soft lighting, weighted blankets, noise-cancelling headphones.

    • At school or work: Predictable routines, low-traffic areas, scheduled sensory breaks.

    • Public spaces: Seek out calm cafes, libraries, or parks; advocate for inclusive design in community areas.

    Even tiny adjustments — like switching to softer lighting — can make a huge difference to your comfort.

    Benefits Beyond Comfort

    When sensory needs are met, neurodivergent people can thrive socially, emotionally, and cognitively.

    Creativity flows, concentration improves, and connection with others feels more natural.

    This isn’t just about comfort — it’s about creating environments where people can live fully and authentically.

    Check Out My Video

    I explore the concept of Sensory-Friendly Spaces here in my latest video.

    Final Thoughts: Sensory-Friendly Spaces are Essential

    Sensory-friendly spaces are not luxuries — they are essential for supporting neurodivergent wellbeing.

    Honour your nervous system, notice what environments feel best for you, and give yourself permission to seek or create spaces that work.

    Want more strategies for thriving as a neurodivergent person?

    Understanding PDA: Beyond “Difficult Behaviour”

    Understanding PDA: Beyond “Difficult Behaviour”

    by | 6, Aug 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Neurodivergent, PDA

    Understanding PDA – It’s Not About Being Difficult

    Have you ever watched a child spiral into panic or meltdown after being asked to do something simple — like putting on their shoes or starting homework?

    For many neurodivergent children (and adults), this isn’t about being difficult.

    It’s often a sign of something deeper: PDA.

    Understanding PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance, or more compassionately, Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) helps us move beyond assumptions of “bad behaviour” and towards genuine support.

    As a neurodivergent adult who works closely with ND children, I’ve seen firsthand how misunderstood this can be — and how differently we show up when we truly get it.

    What Is PDA?

    PDA is often described as a profile of autism, marked by an extreme need to avoid everyday demands. But it’s more than that. It’s a nervous system–based response to feeling trapped, controlled, or overwhelmed.

    For a child with PDA, even small expectations can feel like the walls are closing in. Their heart races, their chest tightens, and they might lash out, freeze, or distract. This is their body’s way of protecting itself from perceived threat.

    Common Signs of PDA

    Children with PDA might:

    • Suddenly melt down or panic when asked to do something — even if it’s fun
    • Avoid demands through humour, distraction, or ignoring
    • Show a strong need for control in play, routines, or conversations
    • Resist transitions (even from one favourite activity to another)
    • Be deeply empathetic yet easily overwhelmed by social dynamics

    It’s not defiance. It’s an anxious system crying out for autonomy and safety.

    How It Feels From the Inside

    Imagine being told to do something — anything — and your entire body reacting like you’re about to be trapped.

    Your chest feels hot, your skin prickles, and it’s suddenly hard to think straight.

    For many people with PDA, even a gentle “time to brush your teeth” sets off this internal alarm.

    They’re not choosing to be “difficult.”

    Their nervous system is sounding the alarm — and they can’t move forward until they feel safe again.

    Supporting Children (and Adults) With PDA

    So how can we help?

    • Reduce perceived pressure: Phrase requests as choices. “Would you like to start with your shoes or your jumper?”
    • Invite collaboration: “We need to get ready soon — what should we pack first?”
    • Create flexible plans: Build in downtime and keep routines gentle.
    • Prioritise connection over compliance: Being safe, seen, and understood matters more than ticking tasks off a list.
    • Regulate together: Your calm presence, soft tone, and even things like sound healing can help their system settle.

    You Are Not Alone

    If you’re raising a child with PDA traits, know an adult with these traits, or recognising these patterns in yourself, please know: you are not alone.

    With understanding, we can create spaces where these children — and adults — feel safe to be exactly who they are.

    Watch This Video

    I explore this even more deeply in my video Understanding PDA in Children: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know.

    If you’ve ever wondered whether your child’s resistance might be something more, this will give you clarity and compassion.

    You might also like my blogs on 10 Traits of Neurodiverse People and How to Support Neurodivergent Teens — plus many more insights and conversations over on my YouTube channel.

    Supporting Neurodivergent Teens with Compassion and Space

    Supporting Neurodivergent Teens with Compassion and Space

    by | 31, Jul 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Neurodivergent, Shutdowns, Uniqueness

    Supporting Neurodivergent Teens with Compassion and Space

    If you’re parenting or guiding a neurodivergent teen — whether they’re autistic, ADHD, PDA, dyslexic, or wonderfully wired in other ways — you know how delicate this season of life can be.

    Teens naturally crave independence, but for neurodivergent young people, this need is often magnified by a nervous system that’s easily overloaded. As a life coach and sound healer specialising in neurodivergence, I’ve witnessed time and again how gentle support, rather than heavy-handed help, makes all the difference.

    Respecting their nervous system

    Neurodivergent teens are often scanning for social and sensory threats without even realising it. What looks like “overreacting” may simply be their body protecting itself.

    Pushing, pressuring or micro-managing can make them retreat even more. Try instead:

    ✅ “Would you like some help organising your week or prefer to handle it solo?”
    ✅ “I’ll be in the next room if you need me.”

    These little shifts honour their autonomy — and calm their vigilant nervous system.

    Less talking, more presence

    Not every teen wants to “talk it out.” Words can scrape like sandpaper on raw nerves, especially when emotions are high.
    So consider text messages, shared notes, or quiet parallel activities. Sometimes healing happens side by side, not face to face.

    Honour their sensory recovery

    After a day of bright lights, noisy corridors and constant social decoding, your teen might decompress by lying in bed scrolling. It’s not lazy — it’s survival. Their body needs this reset.

    Co-regulate together

    One of the most profound tools is simply your calm energy. Breathe slowly, soften your voice, ground your feet. Your nervous system will gently invite theirs to settle too.

    This is where my sound healing comes in — the vibrations of bowls, drums or chimes can do wonders for both of you, regulating through resonance.

    A reminder: they’re not broken

    So many neurodivergent teens believe they’re too much, or not enough. They need to hear:

    • “It’s okay to rest.”

    • “Your brain isn’t wrong, it’s just different.”

    • “I love who you are.”

    Want more gentle insights?

    I go deeper into this in my video Supporting Neurodivergent Teens Without Smothering Them — watch it below.

    You’ll also find these valuable:

    • Understanding PDA in Children (especially as demand avoidance often carries through to teens)
    • Why Eye Contact Can Feel So Hard (and That’s Okay) (because social overwhelm is real)

    You can find these — along with soothing sound sessions, supportive chats, and honest reflections for my neurokin — on my YouTube channel, Different… And Loving It!

    Supporting neurodivergent teens isn’t about fixing them. 

    It’s about offering them spacious compassion so they can unfold into their truest selves.