Neurodivergent Archives - Lucinda Curran, Sound Healer & Life Coach

Understanding PDA: Beyond “Difficult Behaviour”

by Lucinda | 6, Aug 2025 | ADHD/ADD, Autism, Neurodivergent, PDA

Understanding PDA – It’s Not About Being Difficult

Have you ever watched a child spiral into panic or meltdown after being asked to do something simple — like putting on their shoes or starting homework?

For many neurodivergent children (and adults), this isn’t about being difficult.

It’s often a sign of something deeper: PDA.

Understanding PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance, or more compassionately, Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) helps us move beyond assumptions of “bad behaviour” and towards genuine support.

As a neurodivergent adult who works closely with ND children, I’ve seen firsthand how misunderstood this can be — and how differently we show up when we truly get it.

What Is PDA?

PDA is often described as a profile of autism, marked by an extreme need to avoid everyday demands. But it’s more than that. It’s a nervous system–based response to feeling trapped, controlled, or overwhelmed.

For a child with PDA, even small expectations can feel like the walls are closing in. Their heart races, their chest tightens, and they might lash out, freeze, or distract. This is their body’s way of protecting itself from perceived threat.

Common Signs of PDA

Children with PDA might:

Suddenly melt down or panic when asked to do something — even if it’s fun
Avoid demands through humour, distraction, or ignoring
Show a strong need for control in play, routines, or conversations
Resist transitions (even from one favourite activity to another)
Be deeply empathetic yet easily overwhelmed by social dynamics

It’s not defiance. It’s an anxious system crying out for autonomy and safety.

How It Feels From the Inside

Imagine being told to do something — anything — and your entire body reacting like you’re about to be trapped.

Your chest feels hot, your skin prickles, and it’s suddenly hard to think straight.

For many people with PDA, even a gentle “time to brush your teeth” sets off this internal alarm.

They’re not choosing to be “difficult.”

Their nervous system is sounding the alarm — and they can’t move forward until they feel safe again.

Supporting Children (and Adults) With PDA

So how can we help?

Reduce perceived pressure: Phrase requests as choices. “Would you like to start with your shoes or your jumper?”
Invite collaboration: “We need to get ready soon — what should we pack first?”
Create flexible plans: Build in downtime and keep routines gentle.
Prioritise connection over compliance: Being safe, seen, and understood matters more than ticking tasks off a list.
Regulate together: Your calm presence, soft tone, and even things like sound healing can help their system settle.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re raising a child with PDA traits, know an adult with these traits, or recognising these patterns in yourself, please know: you are not alone.

With understanding, we can create spaces where these children — and adults — feel safe to be exactly who they are.

Watch This Video

I explore this even more deeply in my video Understanding PDA in Children: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your child’s resistance might be something more, this will give you clarity and compassion.

You might also like my blogs on 10 Traits of Neurodiverse People and How to Support Neurodivergent Teens — plus many more insights and conversations over on my YouTube channel.

Supporting Neurodivergent Teens with Compassion and Space

by Lucinda | 31, Jul 2025 | ADHD/ADD, Autism, Neurodivergent, Shutdowns, Uniqueness

Supporting Neurodivergent Teens with Compassion and Space

If you’re parenting or guiding a neurodivergent teen — whether they’re autistic, ADHD, PDA, dyslexic, or wonderfully wired in other ways — you know how delicate this season of life can be.

Teens naturally crave independence, but for neurodivergent young people, this need is often magnified by a nervous system that’s easily overloaded. As a life coach and sound healer specialising in neurodivergence, I’ve witnessed time and again how gentle support, rather than heavy-handed help, makes all the difference.

Respecting their nervous system

Neurodivergent teens are often scanning for social and sensory threats without even realising it. What looks like “overreacting” may simply be their body protecting itself.

Pushing, pressuring or micro-managing can make them retreat even more. Try instead:

✅ “Would you like some help organising your week or prefer to handle it solo?”
✅ “I’ll be in the next room if you need me.”

These little shifts honour their autonomy — and calm their vigilant nervous system.

Less talking, more presence

Not every teen wants to “talk it out.” Words can scrape like sandpaper on raw nerves, especially when emotions are high.
So consider text messages, shared notes, or quiet parallel activities. Sometimes healing happens side by side, not face to face.

Honour their sensory recovery

After a day of bright lights, noisy corridors and constant social decoding, your teen might decompress by lying in bed scrolling. It’s not lazy — it’s survival. Their body needs this reset.

Co-regulate together

One of the most profound tools is simply your calm energy. Breathe slowly, soften your voice, ground your feet. Your nervous system will gently invite theirs to settle too.

This is where my sound healing comes in — the vibrations of bowls, drums or chimes can do wonders for both of you, regulating through resonance.

A reminder: they’re not broken

So many neurodivergent teens believe they’re too much, or not enough. They need to hear:

“It’s okay to rest.”
“Your brain isn’t wrong, it’s just different.”
“I love who you are.”

Want more gentle insights?

I go deeper into this in my video Supporting Neurodivergent Teens Without Smothering Them — watch it below.

You’ll also find these valuable:

Understanding PDA in Children (especially as demand avoidance often carries through to teens)
Why Eye Contact Can Feel So Hard (and That’s Okay) (because social overwhelm is real)

You can find these — along with soothing sound sessions, supportive chats, and honest reflections for my neurokin — on my YouTube channel, Different… And Loving It!

Supporting neurodivergent teens isn’t about fixing them.

It’s about offering them spacious compassion so they can unfold into their truest selves.

Why I Still Say Neurodivergence Is a Superpower

by Lucinda | 17, Jul 2025 | ADHD/ADD, Autism, Boundaries, Empowerment, Inspiration, Motivation, Neurodivergent, Uniqueness

Why I Still Say Neurodivergence Is a Superpower

I know not everyone likes the term “superpower” when it comes to autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other forms of neurodivergence.

Some say it sugarcoats real challenges. Others feel it sets unfair expectations. And I hear that — truly.

But here’s why I still say it.

Because For Many, The Starting Point Is Feeling Broken

When you grow up being constantly corrected, misunderstood, or labelled as “too much” or “not enough,” you internalise the belief that there’s something wrong with you.

Many of the neurodivergent people I work with (and this includes me) spent years feeling defective. Masking, shrinking, trying to meet standards that were never designed for our brains or bodies.

So when I say “your neurodivergence is a superpower,” it’s not to deny the hard bits. It’s to disrupt the old story that we’re somehow fundamentally flawed.

The Double-Sided Coin

Neurodivergence often means living with big challenges: sensory overload, executive dysfunction, overwhelm, social burnout.

But the same brain wiring that makes us struggle can also be what makes us shine.

That laser focus on a passion?
The way patterns jump out where others see nothing?
The creative problem-solving, deep empathy, or fierce sense of justice?

That’s not in spite of being neurodivergent. That’s because of it.

What It Feels Like Inside

When I’m in a flow state — writing, making music, or guiding a sound session — it’s like my entire nervous system is lit up from the inside. Everything clicks. Colours feel brighter, ideas spark, connections form effortlessly.

Is it overwhelming sometimes? Yes.
Is it beautiful? Also yes.

It’s why I sometimes describe neurodivergence as having a sensitive instrument — finely tuned, sometimes fragile, but capable of picking up and creating things others might miss.

Why “Superpower” Still Matters To Me

Because it reframes. It says:

You’re not broken, just different.
Your traits are not defects, they’re part of a beautifully complex design.
You have capacities that are unique — and deeply needed in this world.

It’s also about hope. About planting the idea that even if school, work, or relationships have felt like relentless uphill battles, there’s still immense value in how your brain and body work.

Of Course, Challenges Are Real

Saying “it’s a superpower” doesn’t mean ignoring meltdowns, shutdowns, executive dysfunction, or the exhausting reality of living in a world not built for us.

But it does invite us to see the whole picture — including the brilliance and magic woven through our differences.

Keep Exploring With Me

I talk more about this in my video Why I Still Say It’s a Superpower (Even When Others Don’t).

If you’ve ever felt caught between “I’m struggling” and “I’m extraordinary,” this one’s for you — it’s about rewriting the old narrative of brokenness into one of worth and wonder.

10 Traits of Neurodiverse People That Are Often Not Understood

by Lucinda | 10, Jul 2025 | ADHD/ADD, Empowerment, Inspiration, Neurodivergent, Uniqueness

10 Traits of Neurodiverse People

It started over tea with a friend.

We’d barely sat down when she said, “I think my son’s brain just works differently. He remembers everything, feels so deeply, and can’t let something go if it doesn’t make sense.”

She wasn’t asking for a diagnosis—just clarity. As she shared story after story, I found myself nodding in recognition. So many of her son’s behaviours mirrored patterns I’ve seen in my work with neurodiverse kids and adults: intense focus, heightened sensitivity, and a unique way of seeing the world.

If you’ve ever felt like you or someone you love experiences life more vividly—more intensely—this list might help you understand why.

Here are 10 traits of neurodiverse people I often see in my work as a coach, sound healer, and tutor.

1. A High Level Of Self-Awareness

Many neurodiverse people have an exceptional ability to observe and articulate their inner world.

They may notice shifts in their emotional state, their energy, or how different environments affect them—often long before others do.

This can be both a gift and a burden, especially when others dismiss or misunderstand it.

2. Deep Knowledge In Special Interest Areas

When something sparks curiosity, it really sparks curiosity.

Whether it’s marine biology, animation, or vacuum cleaners, the ability to retain detail and understand complex systems runs deep.

These “deep dives” are often a source of both joy and regulation.

3. A Unique Personal Rulebook

Neurodiverse people often develop their own set of internal rules—ways the world should work.

These might seem arbitrary to others, but they provide a sense of order and safety.

Sometimes these rules apply just to them; other times, they expect those around them to follow suit, especially when fairness or logic is involved.

4. Sensory Sensitivity (And Overwhelm)

Whether it’s the low hum of a fluorescent light, the chaos of peak-hour traffic, or the sharp scent of a cleaning product, sensory input can become overwhelming.

One student of mine flapped her hands when stressed—a perfectly valid self-regulation strategy, yet misunderstood by her family. Others might rock, pace, or retreat into quiet.

These are not behaviours to “fix”—they’re important clues about regulation and overload.

5. Deep Focus And Attention To Detail

One glance, and a neurodiverse mind might absorb everything.

The crooked picture frame, the subtle shift in someone’s tone, the fact that Tuesday’s bin truck came seven minutes early.

This attention to detail can mean getting “stuck” on something small—but it also leads to precision, insight, and brilliance.

Want More?

This post accompanies my latest YouTube video, where I talk through each of these traits (and more).

If you’re curious about neurodiverse experiences, or just want to feel seen and validated, I’d love you to watch this video as I identify all 10 traits…

Understanding the traits of neurodiverse people isn’t about labelling or diagnosing—it’s about recognising differences and learning to support them.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or simply navigating your own identity, these insights can offer clarity and connection.

And maybe, like my friend over tea, you’ll begin to recognise that there’s nothing “wrong” at all—just a different way of being.

One that’s worth celebrating. 🎉

Come and join the conversation
in my (free) community.

Different... and Loving It! with LucindaCurran.com

Yellow Ladybugs Conference 2025

by Lucinda | 26, Jun 2025 | ADHD/ADD, Autism, Boundaries, Neurodivergent, PDA, RSD

Yellow Ladybugs Conference 2025

I recently had the privilege of attending the Yellow Ladybugs Conference 2025 — a space dedicated to supporting autistic girls and gender-diverse young people. It was an inspiring, heart-opening experience filled with wisdom that I’m eager to share with you. Here are some of the most powerful insights that stayed with me:

Reflections and Insights

Neurokin: The Power of Connection Among Neurodivergent People

One beautiful concept I encountered is neurokin — yes, that word really exists!

It describes the unique connection and understanding that naturally forms between neurodivergent individuals. It’s that unspoken bond, a deep sense of being seen and understood without explanation.

Neurokin reminds us that community isn’t just nice to have — it’s vital for our wellbeing and growth.

When Escalation Happens, Step Away

A key practical reminder was about emotional escalation.

Sometimes, especially within families or close communities where neurodivergence is common, tensions can rise quickly, with everyone amplifying each other’s stress.

The advice was simple but powerful: if you find yourself escalating with someone else, it’s a clear sign to step away — physically or emotionally — to reset before reconnecting.

This pause can prevent misunderstandings and create space for compassion.

Conflicting Needs Within Neurodivergent Families

Many neurodivergent traits are shared within families, which means conflicting needs are natural and expected.

Sometimes, two or more people want different things at the same time — sensory comfort, quiet, movement, or social interaction.

The takeaway? Express your needs clearly, listen to others, and sometimes prioritise whose needs take precedence in the moment.

It’s not always easy, but communication and mutual respect help everyone feel seen and supported.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): A Lifeline for Understanding

I had never heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) before this conference.

Learning about RSD was deeply helpful in understanding why so many neurodivergent people can find themselves in dysfunctional or painful relationships.

RSD involves intense emotional pain triggered by perceived (or real) rejection or criticism — often disproportionate to the event itself.

Knowing about RSD can be a lifeline: it’s not “just being too sensitive,” but a neurological response that deserves compassion and tailored strategies.

PDA Is So Much More Than “Not Wanting to Be Told What to Do”

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) came up frequently.

The common misconception is that PDA means simply “not wanting to be told what to do.”

But in reality, PDA is a complex profile that affects everyday life deeply. It involves anxiety-driven avoidance of demands, sometimes leading to creative resistance, social strategies, or emotional shutdowns.

Understanding PDA means seeing beyond behaviour to the underlying emotions and needs — which opens pathways for more supportive responses.

The Power of Lived Experience: Nothing About Us Without Us

A thread throughout the Yellow Ladybugs Conference 2025 was the importance of lived experience.

When it comes to understanding and supporting neurodivergent people, nothing replaces the insight of those who have walked the path themselves.

Whether it’s through research, education, therapy, or everyday advocacy, the voices of neurodivergent people must be central. Lived experience brings nuance, authenticity, and clarity that no second-hand interpretation can match.

When we centre neurodivergent voices, we move closer to support that actually fits — support that respects autonomy, celebrates difference, and meets real needs with compassion.

As they often said: “Nothing about us without us.”

Energy Meter: A Brilliant Tool for Managing Your Day

One of the most practical tools shared was the Energy Meter from Autism Level Up. This tool invites you to gauge your current energy levels and consider whether your energy matches the task at hand. For example, if you’re “amped up and fidgety,” is that the right energy state for working on a focused project?

If it’s not a match, do you need to level up or level down?

What’s especially important is that you — the individual — decide where you are at and choose the energy level required for your task. Everyone expresses energy levels differently.

As they say, “If you’ve met one Autistic person, you’ve met one Autistic person.” There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Autism Level Up offers resources to help you learn how to adjust your energy intentionally to meet your needs.

Closing Words

Attending the Yellow Ladybugs Conference 2025 reminded me how important it is to stay curious and compassionate — especially with ourselves and those we love who navigate the world differently. It also reminded me how important community is – where there is an unspoken understanding and deep respect for one another. I am already looking forward to next year’s conference.

The insights I gained are gifts I’ll carry forward, and I hope sharing them can support you too.

If you’d like to hear more about any of these topics or want resources, please reach out or comment below. Let’s keep building that beautiful neurokin community together (you can come and join Different… and Loving It! if you like!).

With warmth and deep respect,
Lucinda

Ichi-go Ichi-e

by Lucinda | 11, Jun 2025 | ADHD/ADD, Autism, Inspiration, Neurodivergent

Ichi-go Ichi-e: Being Present in Your Neurodiverse Way

Life isn’t always easy to stay present for.

Especially if you’re neurodiverse.

Sometimes everything is too much — the noise, the smells, the people, the expectations.
Sometimes it’s the opposite — we get so focused on one task, one idea, one world inside us, that we lose all track of time.

I was reading Salvatore Battaglia’s latest book, The Kotodama of Scent, when I came across a phrase that caused me to pause: Ichi-go ichi-e.

It’s a Japanese concept that literally translates to “one time, one meeting.”

A reminder that this moment, this experience — will never happen again in exactly the same way.

The phrase comes from the world of Japanese tea ceremonies, but it carries a message that ripples far beyond that:

Every moment is fleeting, and because of that, it’s precious.

Why Ichi-go Ichi-e Resonates for Neurodiverse People

I’ve spoken with so many beautiful, thoughtful, sensitive humans — many of whom are neurodiverse — who feel like they can’t stay present.

There’s too much stimulation. Or they disappear into hyperfocus. Or their brains are just… always moving.

And I want to say: You’re not doing it wrong.
Ichi-go ichi-e isn’t about forcing stillness. It’s about noticing what’s already here.

Even if your mind is racing, your environment loud, or your day disjointed — you can still pause, even for a second, to say:
“This moment is happening now. And I’m here.”

A Moment I’ll Never Forget

When I first read the phrase, I looked up.

The light hit the page in a soft, warm way. I could smell the last traces of essential oils in the room.

And I realised: this will never happen again quite like this.

That doesn’t make it tragic — it makes it beautiful.

And it made me want to bring this idea to you.

Not as a pressure to “be present,” but as an invitation.

An offering.

A quiet reminder that now matters.

Want a Gentle Way to Reconnect?

If you’re looking for gentle tools to help you come back to the moment, I’ve created a new playlist on YouTube called Soothing Sounds.

They’re just 10-minute tracks — soft, quiet, calming — designed for when you need to pause, recover, or just breathe.

You can also watch the video version of this blog here:

Over to You…

Have you had a moment where you suddenly realised how precious it was?

Or does the idea of ichi-go ichi-e help shift something in how you approach your day?

Leave a comment below — I’d love to hear what this stirs in you.
And if you’d like more support and encouragement like this, you can subscribe to Different… and Loving It! or join our kind, off-social community.

Until next time,
Lucinda 💙