Lucinda, Author at Lucinda Curran, Sound Healer & Life Coach

Deficit-Based Language in the DSM

by Lucinda | 15, Oct 2025 | ADHD, Autism, ND Traits, Neurodivergent

Deficit-Based Language in the DSM: A Neurodivergent Perspective

Have you ever read your own diagnostic report and felt it was more of a critique than a reflection of who you are?

Many adults describe the experience as confronting — even painful.

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) is considered the “gold standard” in diagnosis for autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergences.

Yet the way it describes us is overwhelmingly deficit-based.

What the DSM Gets Wrong

Phrases like:

Deficits in executive functioning.
Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.
Persistent deficits in social communication.

Each one suggests a shortcoming, a failure, a lack. But this is not how neurodivergent people actually live and experience life.

When Diagnosis Hurts

For many of us, diagnosis comes with mixed emotions.

There’s relief in understanding why we feel different.

But alongside it comes the heavy message: “Here’s everything you’re not good at.”

It shapes how others see us.

And, more dangerously, it can start to shape how we see ourselves.

Why Understanding Matters

Misreading shutdown as daydreaming (or vice versa) can lead to frustration, shame, or unnecessary pressure. Many neurodivergent adults grew up hearing:

Stop being lazy.
Pay attention.
You’re off in your own world again.

This creates a cycle of self-doubt and hypervigilance.

By learning to recognise and respond with empathy, we offer something better — validation and safety, which fosters recovery and re-engagement.

What the DSM Misses Entirely

No diagnostic manual captures the full reality of neurodivergence, the –

Flow state of immersing in a deep interest
Clarity and honesty that bypasses superficial small talk
Empathy, loyalty, and creativity that enrich relationships and work
Sensory joy of noticing subtle patterns others overlook

None of this is a deficit. This is humanity.

Why Reframing Matters

The harm of deficit-based language is that it boxes us into limitation.

Reframing allows us to see the truth: we are not broken.

Yes, challenges are real.

But alongside them exist strengths, gifts, and perspectives that the DSM was never designed to capture.

Watch the Video

Watch this for more information and inspiration.

Final Thoughts

Recognising whether it’s daydreaming or shutdown isn’t just about managing behaviour.

It’s about honouring experience — your child’s and your own.

When we meet these moments with empathy, we shift from frustration to understanding, from correction to connection.

Every time we pause and see what’s really happening beneath the surface, we’re breaking old patterns and building safer spaces for neurodivergent minds to thrive.

Closing Reflection

A diagnosis can provide clarity and community — but it should never be the whole story.

As neurodivergent adults, part of our healing is learning to reclaim the narrative. To see ourselves not through the lens of deficits, but through the richness of lived experience.

🌿 If you’re ready to explore ways of reconnecting with your inner self — through coaching, sound healing, or simply conversation — I’d love to walk alongside you.

Daydreaming or in Shutdown? How to Support Neurodivergent Kids (and Yourself)

by Lucinda | 1, Oct 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Empowerment, ND Traits, Neurodivergent, Shutdowns

The Overlooked Experience: Daydreaming or in Shutdown

Have you ever caught yourself staring into space — not sure if you’re simply lost in thought or if something inside you has switched off?

Many neurodivergent adults recognise this sensation from childhood, when it was often misread as laziness, inattention, or being ‘away with the fairies’.

For neurodivergent children (and adults), daydreaming and in shutdown look similar on the outside but feel very different on the inside.

Understanding this difference is more than supportive parenting — it’s a step towards advocacy, self-compassion, and breaking old patterns of misinterpretation.

What Daydreaming Feels Like

Daydreaming is light, fluid, and imaginative.

Thoughts drift like clouds — soft, changeable, weaving colours and stories. A child might be replaying a favourite scene from a book, inventing an elaborate world, or working through a puzzle in their mind.

The key markers:

Voluntary and often creative
Relaxed body posture
Ability to re-engage with a gentle prompt

For adults, this might feel like a mental ‘wander’ where ideas connect in surprising ways.

💡 It’s restorative rather than draining.

What Shutdown Feels Like

Shutdown, by contrast, is a nervous system response to overwhelm.

The outside world may see stillness, silence, and disengagement.

Inside, it can feel like moving through thick molasses, like thoughts are there but unreachable.

Shutdown is often triggered by:

Sensory overload (noise, light, texture)
Emotional overwhelm or social pressure
Chronic masking and exhaustion

In children and adults, it can bring anxiety, heaviness, or even numbness.

💡 It’s a protective mechanism, not a choice.

Why Understanding Matters

Misreading shutdown as daydreaming (or vice versa) can lead to frustration, shame, or unnecessary pressure. Many neurodivergent adults grew up hearing:

Stop being lazy.
Pay attention.
You’re off in your own world again.

This creates a cycle of self-doubt and hypervigilance.

By learning to recognise and respond with empathy, we offer something better — validation and safety, which fosters recovery and re-engagement.

Supporting Daydreaming and Shutdown

Daydreaming: Allow space for creativity and curiosity. A soft prompt — “What are you imagining?” — can invite gentle connection without pulling someone out too quickly.
Shutdown: Reduce sensory input, offer calming presence, and avoid pressure. Co-regulation (soft voice, slow breathing) helps restore nervous system balance.

Reclaiming Connection

For adults, recognising these states in themselves can be deeply liberating. It’s not inattention or a weakness. It’s a part of how your brain and body work to cope, recover, or create.

For children, your understanding can be life-changing. They learn self-trust, rather than internalising shame.

And for families, it builds deeper connections — rooted in seeing, truly seeing, each other.

Watch the Video

For more insights, watch the full discussion here:

Final Thoughts

Recognising whether it’s daydreaming or shutdown isn’t just about managing behaviour.

It’s about honouring experience — your child’s and your own.

When we meet these moments with empathy, we shift from frustration to understanding, from correction to connection.

Every time we pause and see what’s really happening beneath the surface, we’re breaking old patterns and building safer spaces for neurodivergent minds to thrive.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this resonates, I’d love to support you further.

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Neurokin: Finding People Who Truly Understand You

by Lucinda | 17, Sep 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Communication, Empowerment, Inspiration, Neurodivergent, Uniqueness

Neurokin: Finding People Who Truly Understand You

The Search for Belonging

Have you ever been surrounded by people yet felt completely unseen? The room hums with chatter, glasses clink, and laughter ripples through the air — yet you feel like a ghost, watching life happen around you but not quite part of it.

Loneliness isn’t always about being alone; sometimes, it’s about being misunderstood.

For many neurodivergent people, this is an everyday experience. We mask who we are, replay conversations in our heads, and wonder if we’ve said too much, too little, or something strange. We ache for connection yet feel exhausted by the effort it takes to fit in.

But then — you meet someone who does get you.

Someone who senses the world in a way that feels familiar. Someone who doesn’t need an explanation for your quirks, sensitivities, or deep passions. With them, your nervous system exhales.

That person is part of your neurokin.

What Is Neurokin?

Neurokin are people who resonate with the way your neurodivergent brain works.

They don’t just tolerate your differences — they recognise, appreciate and value them.

Conversations feel natural, silences feel safe, and even your nervous system relaxes because you’re not on high alert, trying to fit in.

When you find neurokin, there’s a shift. The weight of “otherness” starts to lift, replaced by a quiet sense of belonging.

Why Finding Neurokin Matters

Living without neurokin can feel like being permanently on the outside looking in. You might question your worth, wonder if you’re “too much,” or retreat into isolation to avoid judgment.

But connecting with neurokin changes everything.

Psychologically, it validates your experience and helps you feel seen.
Emotionally, it nourishes you, creating a sense of ease and safety.
Socially, it allows you to drop the mask and simply be yourself.

Even one connection with a neurokin can transform how you move through the world — making life feel lighter, less lonely, and far more authentic.

How to Find Your Neurokin

Finding neurokin isn’t about meeting lots of people — it’s about finding the right ones. Look for communities where you feel accepted and understood, such as:

Groups built around neurodivergence. (Like my free group – Different… and Loving It!)
Spaces centred on shared interests and passions.
Workshops, events, or online forums that encourage open, respectful conversation.

Notice who makes you feel safe, seen, and comfortable in your own skin — those are the connections worth nurturing.

Nurturing Neurokin Connections

Shared understanding is powerful, but every relationship still needs boundaries, empathy, and care.

Nurture your neurokin connections with kindness and honesty.

When you do, you create a small but meaningful sanctuary where belonging comes naturally.

Watch the Video: What Is Neurokin?

For more on the concept of neurokin and why it matters so deeply for neurodivergent people, watch my video:

Final Thoughts

Finding your neurokin is not just about connection — it’s about thriving. It’s about finally feeling understood, valued, and at home in your own skin. You don’t have to navigate life alone.

Looking for support in finding your neurokin and embracing your unique self?
- Book a Meet & Greet
- Or reach out via my Contact Page
- Or come and join my free community, Different… and Loving It!

Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing

by Lucinda | 3, Sep 2025 | ADHD, Anxiety, Autism, Neurodivergent

Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing

Have you ever walked into a room and felt every light flicker, every chair squeak, and every smell amplified?

For many of us who are neurodivergent, the environment can overwhelm before we even start.

Sensory-friendly spaces make all the difference for neurodivergent wellbeing — and here’s why.

What a Sensory-Friendly Space Feels Like

A sensory-friendly space feels calm, predictable, and safe. Lighting is soft and adjustable, sounds are filtered or dampened, and the layout allows freedom to move without chaos.

Inside your neurodivergent brain, this feels like breathing after holding your breath for far too long. Your muscles relax, your heart rate slows, and your mind has space to focus.

Why “Sensory-Friendly” Matters

Everyday environments can be overwhelming — from noisy cafeterias to busy streets and crowded classrooms. Repeated sensory overload can lead to exhaustion, shutdown, or meltdown.

By contrast, sensory-friendly spaces support emotional regulation, reduce stress, and allow neurodivergent people to feel safe and grounded.

Creating and Identifying These Special Spaces

You don’t need a full room renovation to create a space that works for you. Small changes go a long way:

At home: Quiet corners, soft lighting, weighted blankets, noise-cancelling headphones.
At school or work: Predictable routines, low-traffic areas, scheduled sensory breaks.
Public spaces: Seek out calm cafes, libraries, or parks; advocate for inclusive design in community areas.

Even tiny adjustments — like switching to softer lighting — can make a huge difference to your comfort.

Benefits Beyond Comfort

When sensory needs are met, neurodivergent people can thrive socially, emotionally, and cognitively.

Creativity flows, concentration improves, and connection with others feels more natural.

This isn’t just about comfort — it’s about creating environments where people can live fully and authentically.

Check Out My Video

I explore the concept of Sensory-Friendly Spaces here in my latest video.

Final Thoughts: Sensory-Friendly Spaces are Essential

Sensory-friendly spaces are not luxuries — they are essential for supporting neurodivergent wellbeing.

Honour your nervous system, notice what environments feel best for you, and give yourself permission to seek or create spaces that work.

Want more strategies for thriving as a neurodivergent person?

Join my community Different… and Loving It!
Book a Meet & Greet
Or reach out via my Contact Page

Eye Contact Can Feel Overwhelming

by Lucinda | 21, Aug 2025 | ADHD, Autism, Communication, ND Traits

Eye Contact Can Be Overwhelming

Have you ever tried to hold someone’s gaze and felt your whole body tighten? As if their eyes were shining a spotlight straight into your soul?

If so, you’re not alone.

Why eye contact can feel overwhelming is something many neurodivergent people struggle to explain — yet it shapes countless social moments.

Today, I want to explore what it’s really like, and why it’s absolutely okay to look away.

The Sensory Intensity of Eye Contact

For many neurodivergent people, eye contact isn’t just “looking at someone.”

It’s a flood of sensory information — facial expressions, micro-signals, emotional cues — all processed at once, sometimes painfully so.

Imagine trying to have a conversation while someone shines a torch directly into your eyes. Your heart might race, your skin prickle, and your thoughts scatter. That’s what eye contact can feel like for some of us: too bright, too raw, too much.

It’s Not Rudeness — It’s Regulation

In many cultures, eye contact is seen as respect. But for neurodivergent people, avoiding it often isn’t about disrespect — it’s about staying regulated enough to listen and engage.

Looking away helps us process words without the overload. It’s a way of caring for ourselves so we can stay present in the moment.

Stories From Within

I’ve spoken to so many neurokin who’ve described forcing themselves to maintain eye contact only to feel their brain start skipping, like a record with a scratch.

One told me it felt like being dissected — exposed in a way that shut down their ability to even hear the words.

Looking away isn’t avoiding connection. It’s making connection possible.

Supporting Yourself and Others

If you find eye contact hard:

Try looking at someone’s nose or forehead instead.
Use nods or small gestures to show you’re listening.
Let people know that looking away actually helps you stay tuned in.

And if you’re supporting someone else? Release the expectation that “good eye contact” equals good communication. Connection is so much bigger than that.